Awkward Moments at Hogwarts
by Dolphinfootballover95
Summary: This is a bunch of shorts dealing with some events at hogwarts that were never talked about, probably because they were a bit unconfortable. Questions about puberty that we all have wondered about are now being told. Please enjoy
1. Chapter 1: Mother Nature

**A/N: Hey this is my first Harry Potter Fanfiction so go easy. Hope you enjoy, and I love comments :) (also i made this for fun)**

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter sadly :(**_

**Awkward Moments at Hogwarts**

Hermione: (_Goes up to Snape's desk during quiet study_) Umm Professor, may I please use the restroom?

Snape: Are you finished with your work?

Hermione: No…

Snape: Then no Miss Granger. Now sit back down!

Hermione: But I really have to go

Snape: Miss Granger if you talk back one more time I will give you detention! NOW SIT DOWN!

(_Class stares up_)

Hermione: (_Looks really uncomfortable and starts to talk very quietly_) But I have _lady problems_

…

Snape: Go

(_Hermione leaves_)

(_A couple minutes later_)

Draco: (_Goes up to Snape's desk_) Professor may I use the bathroom?

Snape: No

Draco: But professor I have lady problems

…..

Snape: Go!


	2. Chapter 2: Life

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter...But one can dream**_

**Awkward Moments at Hogwarts **

Harry: Hey Ron, where do babies come from?

Ron: What do ya mean mate?

Harry: I mean how d'ya think babies are made?

Ron: Uhhhhh, I reckon you should ask Fred and George about that one…It's not my area of knowledge

Harry: Okay

(_Harry goes over to the Weasley Twins_)

Harry: Hello Fred, George

Fred&George: Hello Harry, what can we do for ya today?

Harry: I wanna know where babies come from?

Fred: You haven't learned that yet mate?

Harry: My parents died, so I never got to ask

George: But didn't your Aunt and Uncle tell you?

Harry: They would just say "Go bugger off"

Fred: Ouch, that bites mate. Didn't you learn it in muggle school?

Harry: I started Hogwarts the year I was gonna learn it there

George: Oh….Well this seems like a tricky question right Fred?

Fred: Yeah, George

George: Maybe you should ask…Lupin!

Fred: Yes Lupin can explain it

Harry: Okay

(_Harry goes to Lupin)_

Harry: Hey Lupin I have a question to ask you

Lupin: Ask away my dear boy

Harry: Where do babies come from?

Lupin:….Well Harry…How come you never learned this?

Harry: No parents, lousy Aunt and Uncle, and never got taught at school

Lupin: AT SCHOOL! Hogwarts never taught it! This is a disgrace! I must go to the school board at once! Bye Harry

(_Harry goes to Dumbledore_)

Harry: Professor Dumbledore can you help me with a problem?

Dumbledore: Harry, so nice to see you! Of course you can, is it about Voldemort?

Harry: No

Dumbledore: Dementors?

Harry: No

Dumbledore: Your parents?

Harry: Relatable

Dumbledore: Girls…?

Harry: Eh, maybe, I don't think so though

Dumbledore: Hmm okay ask your question

Harry: Where do babies come from?

…..

Dumbledore: Well Harry that is a good question. I can see how you would never know about it. It starts when a boy really loves a girl, or in some cases is very drunk…

(_Two hours later_)

Dumbledore: … And that's where babies come from

Harry: Okay, but what do the birds and bees have to do with it?

Dumbledore: You'll find out in time

Harry: Alright, but why does the female have an egg inside her?

Dumbledore: Again, you will find out in time. Good-bye Harry

_(Harry goes to Ron_)

Harry: Ron! I found out where babies came from!

Ron: That's great mate!

Harry: Yeah…_So where's Ginny_?


	3. Chapter 3: Girls

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter Again :( Darn it! **_

**Awkward Moments at Hogwarts 3**

Ron: Professor McGonagall

McGonagall: Yes Weasley

Ron: Do we have a school consular?

McGonagall: No, but if you need to talk to someone, Weasley, I'm always here

Ron: That's—that's quite alright. I'll just go—

McGonagall: Weasley... Come on tell me boy, what's been on your mind?

Ron: Maybe I should ask Lupin…

McGonagall: WEASLEY! Anything you can tell Lupin you can tell me

Ron: Well it's sort of about girls…

McGonagall: Oh I see, well Weasley you're growing to the age where new feelings will arise about girls. Are you starting to feel some of those?

Ron: Yeah, sort of

McGonagall: It's okay boy, it's only natural. Is there any girl in particular you fancy? Miss Granger maybe…

Ron: Ya know what, I think I hear Snape calling, I better get to potions—

McGonagall: Hold on boy. Now Weasley, I understand the feelings between boys and girls better than you think

Ron: Yes, but I think I would feel better talking to a—er—male

McGonagall: Oh Weasley don't underestimate my advice. Look if you fancy a girl it's very simple what you should do

Ron: What?

McGonagall: You could ask her out on a date

Ron: But what if she says no?

McGonagall: If you are charming and kind I bet she won't, be yourself

Ron: Okay, but since I'm not…Any other advise

McGonagall: (sighs) Okay don't act like yourself

Ron: Thanks professor!

McGonagall: Always happy to help Weasley

Ron: Right, oh one more question

McGonagall: Yes?

Ron: What if I feel this way towards more than one person?

McGonagall: Well nature is very tricky at this time. It's the respectful thing to only be with one person

Ron: But I'm not respectful

McGonagall: Right, well do how about cause it's the Gyrffindor way!

Ron: Alright! Thanks again professor

McGonagall: No problem Weasley, now go get 'em!

(_Ron leaves the class room. McGonagall reclines in her seat and then hears and echo_)

_Ron: Hey Harry, I was wondering about this Saturday night…_

McGonagall: Oh Weasely!


	4. Chapter 4: Girls 2

_**A/N: Don't own Harry Potter**_

**Awkward Moments At Hogwarts 4**

Draco: Professor I was wondering if you could help me with something?

Snape: What is it Malfoy?

Draco: How do I pick up chicks?

…

Snape: _What?_

Draco: Ya know, how to make it with the ladies

Snape: Draco I don't think this appropriate subject, why don't you ask Crabbe or Goyle?

Draco: Professor, not to be rude, but have you seen them? No way they would know how to get girls

Snape: How about Blaise?

Draco: Are you assuming just because he's black he had sex?

Snape: Lupin?

Draco: No way am I gonna take advice from a werewolf

Snape: Your father?

Draco: I don't think he has gotten that much action…

Snape: I'm just saying this seems better if you talked to someone your age

Draco: But Weasley asked McGonagall about it and she gave him advice!

Snape: Really? Well then I must beat McGonagall in any way, so I'll do it!

Draco: YAY

Snape: Okay Draco pay attention cause I'm only gonna say this once

Draco: Right! (_takes out quill and paper)_

Snape: Never call a girl a mud-blood

Draco: I would never go for that kind

Snape: Right, I knew that

Draco: Then why did you mention it professor?

Snape: UHHHHH…Let's move on. Don't stalk outside her dorm

Draco: But I heard this vampire kid did that and it worked for him—

Snape: No! Just don't do it! Umm, try to be in the same house as her

Draco: What if I'm not?

Snape: Then…wait who are ya trying to get?

Draco: I don't see how that's relevant?

Snape: Is it Miss Granger?

Draco: GOD NO! I would never be in love with a mud-blood

Snape: Draco…

Draco: IT'S NOT HERMONIE!

Snape: Alright, whatever. Be your charming self

Draco: Do I have to? (_whines_)

Snape: YES! Don't disobey me boy. Girls like it when you're ch-ch-charming

Draco: Got a frog in your throat professor?

Neville Longbottom: TREVOR!

Snape: He said **FROG** Longbottom! Ten points from Gyrffindor, now leave!

(_Neville leaves_)

Draco: Okay professor, so how should I ask a girl out?

Snape: What do you mean?

Draco: Oh you know, should I say _"Hey baby, why don't I make like Salazar and Sylther inside of you?"_ or _"__Just like the Slytherin common room, how 'bout my snake in your dungeons?"_or _"You look like you'd be a good Quidditch player. Want to ride my broomsti—"_

Snape: Okay Draco, that's enough! I don't think I can help you achieve…that sort of goal. Now I might be old, but I know that girls this age don't like guys who are so…forward. (_Mumbles_) they also don't like guys who actually care about them and aren't mean bullies who act like they are great heroes

Draco: What was that professor?

Snape: UHH—Nothing! Now move along, I have—I have detention to deal with

(_Draco leaves and walks by Hermione Granger_)

Hermione: Draco, is that a _wand_ in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Draco: Well Granger, _I don't have any muggle money, but I do have a sickle and two knuts._

(_Hermione slaps in the face_)

…..

(_Snape comes up and slaps him with a book then walks away saying "Ten points from Gyrffindor!"_)

**Thnaks to all the reviews they have been great :) Keep em coming. I would like to thank Harry Potter Pickup Lines on Facebok; read em, really funny! Hopefuly new chapter soon with break and all.**


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